rivervox

Today I walked around Leverett and Spot Pond while Violet was at rehearsal. Cloudy day in the 50's. We had some sun yesterday. I walked around the Brookline Reservoir twice. The cherry trees are in full bloom. I didn't miss it this year! In the afternoon, we went dress shopping to Frugal Fannie's and David's. Found a dress but it seems to have a complicated and revealing bodice that we need to figure out. I'd like to keep looking. Very stressed about that, as I know we need to get it tailored and find shoes and jewelry. It seems silly but things are hard for us. I worked at all four Progressions dance shows. No one else showed up. All I have left is the music festival. I suppose I should have done more to build up a team, but there's no communication mechanism. I'm glad to be on my way out and lay down this obligation. But I will miss it. The school, the energy, the performances.

We got the bathroom faucet fixed so that was a victory. Passover is packed away. Honey can come home in June! Inch by inch we move. to something better? 

So much water under the bridge. There was Yom Kippor, which we attended a bit. Then some school, then an overnight visit to 300 Longwood. We seem to have a fallen into the sad pattern that afflicted us last spring.

The weather is very warm but heavy. Unable to go to any sukkah meals. We do plan do go to the Cape Saturday. Doesn't seem real. Not much sleep. Little hope.

We're back. Honey is in Jerusalem, Violet is back in school.The sand between my toes is gone, the tan starting to fade. We had a good vacation despite poor weather at the start of the week. I walked each day on the beach. We biked, swam, saw plays, had a fire on the beach. I went kayaking (more on tide and wind another day). Then a rough week at work trying to get my brain into gear. A lot of change, a lot of loss and some surprising victories. Looking forward to going back to the Cape in two weeks. And then it's really over.

I started the journey with very little feeling except exhaustion and stress. So many details. Such a drive. No pleasure, just tasks. Caretaking. I felt nothing when we crested the hill and saw the land before us. But as we were driving to get the pizza, climbing the hill up to Crown Point, I had this sense, a voice in my had saying "you're home". And I felt safe and happy. A warm glow. And I started to cry in relief. I left a burden on that hill. Nine months of fear and stress and being in a place I don't belong. A sweet kiss from Provincetown to start my vacation.

Last week was scary, with the school year starting. Hopefully this week we'll find our bearings and gain confidence.

PS. Just a postscript to say that everything worked out OK. The birthday, the packing, the travel. I did it all after planning and working hard. I kept my balance and did all the things and I deserve a pat on the back. Good job.

We had a birthday dinner with the family in the park on Monday. Yesterday Violet went to Barbie with her cousin, which was lovely. Not much sleep is going on in this apartment. I've reached the point where I need to put the schedule for the next 10 days on a legal pad. The move home, the birthday, the departure, the packing for our trip. Time keeps rolling on. I can say the alphabet backwards pretty fast.

Yesterday I walked at Jamaica Pond. A beautiful day, outside. Honey is back. We have finally got the elixir and have some hope of relief. Last night we got food from Veggie Galaxy since Violet wasn't up for going. Watched Schmigadoon and Lasso, Parent Trap and Freaky Friday. I made brownies in the afternoon and listened to Irish Celtic Sojourn which is always pleasant. Today I hope to get the house in order..to fight back the entropy and put some things outside to give away. We are overwhelmed with stuff and need to make space to breathe. Especially as we may be stuck here for some time. Tomorrow is a holiday, but not for me. I hope it passes quickly, like Dec. 25. "What did you do over the weekend? " Survived.

Just home from a trip to the Natick Mall. Boots and shoes were tried, some clothes were bought and we got out of town. I walked at the Arboretum this morning and as I drove out there, I felt a sort of resistance. I was uncomfortable driving beyond Brookline. Just a little, but the membrane was there and it inspired me to get free of it. Our lives have become so small. Circumscribed. Very orderly but limited.

Last night we watched the Banshees of Inisherin which was perplexing. Plus a Northern Ex and a fun Wellington Paranormal.Violet was at a cast party which cause some nervousness but she had a good time and we all survived. Gearing up for BHS tomorrow. Early morning. G-d willing we make it.
Saturday I walked Jamaica Pond, which was chilly but pleasant.

This day is so gray that night will be welcome. Spring plans need to be made.

Home again. We got back around 4 PM in the rain. It was a chaotic evening with unpacking and repacking, a trip to CVS and Pho Viet. We had noodle soup and watched Duck Soup. Then Honey packed and we ran around in chaos. We had a 10 PM countdown watching the London Fireworks and a split of champagne with cheese and sweets. DH and Honey went to bed early, while Violet and I stayed up a bit longer. It still felt festive. Our recent setback has made us tired and wary. DH and Honey drove to JFK early this morning. Not sure how I will make it through the night.

I read back over my 2022 entries. There were some good things I forgot we did but I can see that I had a bad time mentally in the winter and May-July. So many worries, like the Supreme Court fuckery, Honey's COVID. Social events. Just too much for me. Wow, what a rough year. Before the reset, I was feeling much better than I have in a while. Not drinking, doing yoga, sleeping when I can. Let's hope that 2023 will be better. I guess that's always the hope. Turn the page.

It started snowing last evening and when it fell it froze. Violet was at a friends house on top of Aspinwall Hill. We barely made it up there and on the way down, the car slid onto Beacon Street without stopping. A very treacherous drive to Dok Bua and then we were home. We watched Friday Night Dinner and Peripheral

Somehow we ended up with another late, stressful homework night. And I didn't manage to push back her weekend wake up time. Why are these things so hard? Why humans? I went out to the shops yesterday looking for a few more Chanukah things. I'm thankful to have Friday off to get everything ready and Honey to come home.

Thankful for the snow, which looks lovely now that I'm not trying to walk on it's icy residue. Weird twitch last night, likely the falling asleep myclonus but it scared me and then I couldn't sleep. Also, snoring. Well, I'm up, I'm fed and typing so let's see how it all goes. Gently into this good morning.

Busy morning. Violet wasn't feeling well so I drove her to camp and then went to Kendrick for a lovely walk. I had to do shopping after so I got home late and need to make up the time.

Last night I went to an Elizabeth Bear book signing event, the first I had been to in years. It was small and mellow. It was good to see her again, be among book people and hang out in Central Sq on a summer night. I did feel it was a stretch out of my comfort zone, but I'm glad I went. Get off that wheel, little hamster!

The weekend looks to be a bit chaotic with SIL/BIL birtdays, Honey coming home, and Violet's social agenda. But I should be able to do some homely things like baking, cleaning and laundry so that we have a solid anchor for next weekend in New Hampshire.

Just some facts. I walked the Reservoir this morning. A PERFECT day, weatherwise. Honey is packing for camp. We'll drive out tomorrow AM. I'm sorry to have her go, though I know it's hard being all cramped in here. She won't be back really until October break. Violet has finals and new job training this week. Turn, turn, turn.

We were in Provincetown for the weekend. We drove out Saturday afternoon. We arrived just a short time before DH did. We had pizza in the room, then went downtown for ice cream and to walk around. Busy night with the film fest and a gay black men's event plus the usual madness. We saw John Cameron Mitchell just as we pulled into town. That was exciting! It rained Saturday and was cold. That was a bummer. I rode over to Pop & Dutch to get DH a breakfast sandwich for father's day. When the rain stopped we went in for dumplings. I had an amazing sandwich from Canteen. Cauliflower fritter. The girls shopped, we got coffee and then all meandered a bit and went to the book store. In the afternoon we biked out to Head of the Meadow. It was windy and cold but it was good to be outside. We found a newly made path from Head of the Meadow to Coast Guard road, which goes over to Highland Light. Very exciting to connect those things. We went to Bubala's for dinner and sat under the heat lamps. We really didn't have the right clothes for the weather and ended up back in the room. I fell asleep early. Monday was bright and sunny. I walked to the beach by the Surfside alone, which was lovely. We packed up and went to Liz's Cafe for brunch. It has a very nice outdoor space. My tofu scramble was not what I expected but the English muffin was amazing, with lots of fresh fruit. Beanstock coffee. The only downside was that we had to wait a long time to get a table. Another walk into town and out to the end of the wharf. Then back to the car and home. We went to Beatnic and then home to watch Ms. Marvel. I helped Violet with stuff for work and then watched Grantchester which was very moving and just excellent.

And here we are on Tuesday which feels like a Monday. And Solstice. And packing plus more driving.

I'm not there yet, but I can see where the stress of travel is not worth the trip. Didn't feel much joy over the weekend, but there were moments. And I wasn't here which is a blessing. And the planet relentlessly turns.