Battles Lost and Won
Sep. 10th, 2023 03:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rivervoxWe're back. Honey is in Jerusalem, Violet is back in school.The sand between my toes is gone, the tan starting to fade. We had a good vacation despite poor weather at the start of the week. I walked each day on the beach. We biked, swam, saw plays, had a fire on the beach. I went kayaking (more on tide and wind another day). Then a rough week at work trying to get my brain into gear. A lot of change, a lot of loss and some surprising victories. Looking forward to going back to the Cape in two weeks. And then it's really over.
I started the journey with very little feeling except exhaustion and stress. So many details. Such a drive. No pleasure, just tasks. Caretaking. I felt nothing when we crested the hill and saw the land before us. But as we were driving to get the pizza, climbing the hill up to Crown Point, I had this sense, a voice in my had saying "you're home". And I felt safe and happy. A warm glow. And I started to cry in relief. I left a burden on that hill. Nine months of fear and stress and being in a place I don't belong. A sweet kiss from Provincetown to start my vacation.
PS. Just a postscript to say that everything worked out OK. The birthday, the packing, the travel. I did it all after planning and working hard. I kept my balance and did all the things and I deserve a pat on the back. Good job.
I started the journey with very little feeling except exhaustion and stress. So many details. Such a drive. No pleasure, just tasks. Caretaking. I felt nothing when we crested the hill and saw the land before us. But as we were driving to get the pizza, climbing the hill up to Crown Point, I had this sense, a voice in my had saying "you're home". And I felt safe and happy. A warm glow. And I started to cry in relief. I left a burden on that hill. Nine months of fear and stress and being in a place I don't belong. A sweet kiss from Provincetown to start my vacation.
Last week was scary, with the school year starting. Hopefully this week we'll find our bearings and gain confidence.
PS. Just a postscript to say that everything worked out OK. The birthday, the packing, the travel. I did it all after planning and working hard. I kept my balance and did all the things and I deserve a pat on the back. Good job.
