rivervox

Down for a few days with a phantom virus. Had fatigue and swollen glands, then sinus pressure but it never manifested. COVID test was negative. Feeling better now but with stomach upset. Whatever it was, let us hope it passes over the rest of the family.

Reading Witch King by Martha Wells which is terrific. I did manage a walk at Leverett with Violet. Last night we watched Good Omens, Daisy Jones and Ted Lasso. I went out to get bagels this morning to taste the day and check my sea legs.

Perfect weather. Too bad I'm in the house.

Thinking this morning about what makes a fulfilling summer for me. What will I regret in the Fall if I missed? By this metric, I'm feeling successful. Some criteria: Strawberry rhubarb crisp, Shakespeare in the park, Farmer's Market, Kayak/canoe, Beach, Strawberry shortcake, Walden swim. Need more biking. Drive-in movie. Beach x 10. Stretch goals: camping, Tanglewood.

Lovely days of summer. Yesterday we went out to Great Meadows. The water is very low, sad to see the swans huddled in one small channel. The white lotuses were extraordinary. Standing up from the dry ground in a field of white. I always thought they were water lilies, but they are lotuses. They don't float but stand on their own stalks above the water, loving it but rising above. A man we met there said it was most extraordinary in the morning when they were all open. I've seen the photos and he is right. I hope that it rains soon. All the creatures and plant life are struggling. Even the river is low and dark. How I wish to kayak on it! How can I get myself fit enough so that I can get in and out easily? Upper body strength and weight loss I suppose.

DH did his longest ride to date yesterday, and we had pizza for dinner. We watched Only Murders, which was shocking and then Oceans 11. What a pleasure. I just realized this morning that the heist isn't complete until he releases his wife from Benedict. I stayed up late watching Annika and having a beer. I'm a sucker for mysteries in remote areas.

The week will be a bit chaotic as we have final camp events and friends are visiting. Also the dentist and admin cert. Hang loose.

Dragging a bit this morning. I stayed up too late because Honey is home for the day. Yesterday we saw Nope, which is brilliant. I'll write more about it when I'm not tired, as it's all I can think about. In the afternoon we drove out to Walden and were able to sit on the beach and swim in the pond. It was wonderful and I'm really glad I made the effort even when it seemed "too late".

Just reading my entry from Saturday. It didn't suck. We took Violet to her party and walked to the North End and found a table at a place called Libertine. Just perfect for us. We had a nice meal on the circus of Salem Street then walked back in time to pick up the party girl. We watched TV, Only Murders and Russian Doll, and stayed up too late. Wine, the city and song.

All in all a fine way to spend the end of the month. The mind turns to vacation.

Preparing for the trip to VT. Hoping to plan my way through anxiety and wasted time. Any time not on the lake or in the woods is wasted time. I walked to Grigg's Park this morning and then hit Trader Joe's. Still a lot to do. I made a good pattern this week. Yoga two days plus a short walk and pm bike ride. I can do more. 8 to 9 is mine now. For the next seven weeks, I can focus on routines and organizing my work.

Violet is doing better at work. Now I need to worry about Honey. They have an outbreak at camp and just don't seem to care. Bad decisions, stretched staff. Will this thing ever end? It's waves and waves of stress.

Breathe. Music in my ears, coffee in my cup, the highway stretching ahead through tall trees.

Kale camp starts today. Ramah maybe tomorrow. Violet was off to her first job this morning. I walked to the muddy. Cloudy and cooler, a relief after yesterday's heat but we will see rain. We're on a stable schedule for eight weeks, except for our trips. I hope it helps us feel secure and calm despite the storms. I need to get set in a routine of walking and find time for yoga.

Yesterday I took Violet to camp and then walked at Kendrick. It was wonderful to be back. I went to Volante and got some strawberries and other goodies. I made biscuits in the afternoon and cleaned up the house a bit. Very hot! Then I picked up Voilet and went to Newton Center while she hung out with her co-workers. We had dinner in the park with the siblings which lead to a protracted conversation about art and hate and trigger warnings. The times they are a changing. I'm committed to listening and learning. At home we watched TV and ate strawberry shortcake. I watched Bridgerton. I should remember that TV is distracting and calming. I'm struggling with my books right now, so they offer little solace. Solace is all I want right now.

I'm so glad we got to the beach. That was wonderful. And to do it together. Going on an outing on Sat afternoon made the weekend twice as long. And the cerulean waves.

Setting my eyes on the weekend. Lake and mountains. But first, email and spreadsheets!

Things are happening? Or at least moving forward.
Walk at Kendrick again in the sparkling sunshine. It's nice having a walk that is simple and still deep in the woods. Listening to Sandman is definitely what I'll remember from this time in Needham.

Final week of camp for all. Time still moves when you're trapped in anxiety's amber.

Yesterday Sigal and I went to Ashland State Park for a picnic and maybe a swim. It's a lovely park but it was PACKED with people bbq'ing and hanging out in large groups making lots of noise. All kinds of music, mostly Latin. We were some of the few white people there. The small swimming area was packed so we didn't go in. Maybe another day. Other ponds are having cyanobacteria blooms, so they are closed for swimming. I do want to get back in a kayak!

Thinking back over the summer and how I might have gotten to such a low place. I think it started with the shock and grief of Anthony Bourdain's death on June 8. It was hard to face living in this dark world when that great light had gone out. Then the stress of Honey leaving, end of school busyness and then Zeffi's illness. His death on July 12 was devastating to me, triggering grief on top of the grief I already carried. I feel myself coming out of it now. The rabbis and their 7 days and 30 days of mourning were very wise. Luckily, it's not too late to have a good summer.

I took the girls out to Larz Anderson park after dinner. It was one of those "Top Ten" summer days, pleasantly warm, dry and sunny that you dream of in February. We walked around the pond, smelled the fresh cut grass and watched for bunnies (2) and mermaids (0). One thing that age has given me a is an understanding of how precious these moments are. Time appears to move faster when you get older. Summer flies by. I took off my shoes and walked in the grass, then lay down and watched the magnificent clouds. It was a welcome break from the stress of the bat mitzvah planning. Looking at the sky and feeling the earth at my back helps me remember what is real.