rivervox

Halfway through Pesach. Hopefully we can just coast from here. Honey flew back yesterday. She was very stressed about finishing up school but it was good to have her here. We'll see her in NYC soon (if I ever book the trip). Saturday night we watched Prince of Egypt. Last night, Dr Who and Picard, which continues to be terrible. But at least we got the band back together. It's weird seeing someone I know and (have hugged), on screen.

Yesterday I walked around Jamaica Pond from the middle parking lot. It was a good distance and nice to begin and end alone in the woods. Violet went with us to the airport and went on an outing with DH. Saturday, we went up to Lars, which was a bit challenging because of dogs but we did it. I went out for a walk on the Muddy alone and did yoga that day. So ten points for Ravenclaw on that front. Today? Who knows.

Hoping for a laid back week and then a good vacation. There's a lot of hope in this post. The sun is up. We're housed and healthy.

Wacky weekend weather. It was in the 50's on Saturday and snowed all day Sunday. Saturday I walked around Jamaica Pond, then went to Arboretum in the afternoon with Violet. All told I walked about 6 miles and it was tiring. But so nice to be out in the sun. Saturday night we had Vietnamese food and watched Edward Scissorhands. Then DISCO and Somebody Somewhere which is terrific. Sunday was a home day. Groceries, canceling Spotify, vacation planning, homework, cleaning. We spoke to Honey. DH got me roses, Clear Flour and champagne. We watched Casablanca and had a nice little party. We'll celebrate a bit tonight too.

Last week I was really burnt out from work and school demands. Now that the website has been released, I can step back a bit. Thankful for vacation week. Everything feels like a hassle. We're not getting anywhere with unpacking. Frustrating as spring is coming.

The sun is out, snow is sparkling, Mozart on the radio. I'm warm, safe, employed, loved and healthy. Come at me work week!

Woke up with this morning mantra. I reflect on the day as I go to sleep, but maybe I should try setting intention when I wake up.

Cold but sunny. I walked at the reservoir, but there was a lot of ice on the south side. Still, love that snow, clear air and blue sky.

Busy yesterday with chores and shopping. Didn't get anywhere with unpacking. Violet had a tough day but she is feeling better now. Things at the school seemed very quiet today and I'm curious if a lot of people are sick. I guess we'll find out tonight.

We got Beatnic and watched the end of Cruella with the kids. Then we watched Landscapers and Hawkeye. Hawkeye was not what I expected at all. Good to have a show to watch with Violet.

I rode out this morning down the bike path to the Visitor's Center, then out to Coast Guard. I took the trail from Doane Rock along the marsh and out to the beach. It was beautiful on the marsh bridge looking across the water to the strip of sand to the ocean beyond white with breakers. It was misty and cloudy and the sea and the sky are one. I came back along ocean view to the lighthouse and then back to Anawon. It was a long ride for me, especially with no breakfast or water. About an hour, with some hills. I do a lot of walking but that doesn't do much for my quads.

Last night we watched an excellent Dr Who that we missed the first time we saw Flux. It's really the best of the set. Village of Angels. We have to finish before the New Year's episode. So much TV, so little time. We started HP & Socerer's Stone last night too. I watched another Witcher. I feel like I missed reading the manual on that show but I've sort of got it now. It's funny that I'm so used to reading books where things are happening to different characters in separate threads that I need to adjust to having asynchronous timelines. I watched the first Gaiman MasterClass. It was very good. One a day! I'm sure I'll be a writer by the end!

So, back to liminal. This is the best place to see in the new year. To spend this loose and lovely time. Not sure what day it is. No particular agenda. The mainland and our lives are fogged in.

Gray morning. I did a short yoga session, my first in over a month. It felt good to work my body a bit. No mat or blocks but I think it would help me. Stay anchored in walking and yoga.

Yesterday we went out to Nantasket. It was overcast but the water was warm. Very few people. Foolishly, I didn't swim and then it got chilly. We'll have to go back. It was nice to be on the beach but I still don't feel that rush of joy. But there was salt water and ice cream and a foggy horizon. That's actually how it feels right now. Moving through fog, hoping for land.

It's weird that we're just going to be staying here for the next three weeks. It will really feel like home I suppose. Like Brewster but hopefully not as painful. This is not any place I'd want to end up. Two more weeks of camp, then the four of us together and then Ireland and BHS. Hopefully there will be some progress on our condo in that time. If not, I'm just here.

I started watching the new season of Unforgotten. So good. On Saturday, for some reason, we watched Suicide Squad. It was ultraviolent and not particularly interesting, but somehow they hired good actors. Elba, Capaldi and even Watiti. The best part may have been the folks in the office. And so it goes.

A quote from E. Bear: God is change, and life is about coping with upheaval, and everything melts into the sea. And yet we persist.

Off to a better start this morning. Woke up a little later, but got right into the action. Went out to walk and buy bagels early. Then home to help Violet get ready for school. Squeezed in some yoga. If I move my activities to 7 AM instead of 8 AM, it will work out fine. Sleeping late isn't actually helpful. Going to bed earlier would be!

I've stuck to my yoga practice. Still looking for that ideal class. I'm already feeling more embodied. We're having a weird hot spell, thought Memorial Day weekend will be chilly. Frustrating that both kids have things to do so we can't go on a big family outing. I should make plans and projects and make sure to get myself OUT.

I'm watching Mare of Easttown, which is interesting but very dark and for some reason keeps expanding the melodrama. She's not much of a detective, that's for sure. When I've finished His Dark Materials, I need to find something lighter to watch! We saw the first episode of High on the Hog, which was beautifully shot, but makes me miss Anthony Bourdain. It will be three years in June. Maybe time to watch his final shows.

Time for reviews at work. I need to do a self-assessment and think about what I want next. A promotion would be nice. Just for surviving. Just for continuing to move forward. Just keep swimming.

Just finished replying to all the birthday email from work. It was actually moving to see how many people thought of me. Even for a moment. And I thought I was invisible. But honestly, they all received an email today telling them it was my bday. It has been nice in quarantine not to have to interact with other people in formal ways eg. synagogue, office, kids' friends, but it reveals that I have no actual friends. There is no one who would just reach out to say hello. Most of the people I know are actually friends of DH. It's easy to let him be the social one. I realized that the shows I love are about friend groups, The Magicians and The Expanse for example. Is that a common TV show theme? Anyway, it's ironic that I like those shows when I have no friends and make no effort to connect with people in real life. This is not a life-changing birthday wish, just an observation.

So this morning I walked out on the Leverett Pond loop, listening to Levar. Croissant with my tea, a lovely tofu egg and cheese sandwich for brunch. Chilly and gray today. I was up late watching The Nevers (more superfriends) which I quite enjoyed. Especially James Norton. I think I fell in love with his character in Grantchester and now I just swoon. We watched the Philadelphia Story and had Thai. The film is so sexist is painful, but the performances and writing are wonderful. Ah well. Quiet day at home. We watched Honey's final Twelfth Night performance. She got her 2nd vaccine dose. I did some cleaning and biked to B&C for flowers. Saturday the weather was fine. I rode my bike out through the Fens in the morning and we went downtown to walk amongst the magnolias in Back Bay. 76 degrees! Dinner was Dumpling Daughter. We saw Thunder Force, which was light and sweet and watched Twelfth Night again. It was cool seeing a Shakespeare play three times. I want to see a professional performance of it now!

Sounds busy. Lots of food and wine but no big events. Tonight we'll have Veggie Galaxy and CAKE and champagne. It's so much better when it's not Pesach. Nothing will top my birthday in New Orleans. Unless I do it again!

I went out for a walk this morning. The sky is gray and heavy with rain. Today I have a martech workshop and I have to take DH for his vaccine. Slept pretty well. I like reading The Awakening before bedtime, since the lovely language is soothing. Especially after IMDY! I do find the images of Treme and IMDY floating through my head more than other TV shows. There was terrible shooting in Atlanta yesterday of Asian American women. Such a sick place.

Yesterday I hit some kind of rough water. I listened to Ken Liu's Paper Menagerie on my walk and it was just devastating and beautiful. Maybe that cracked open the levee a bit and let the sadness in? I made Irish soda bread and colcannon for dinner for some veg bangers and mash. We had a Guinness in the evening.

I also did a lot of genealogy, which lead me down the path to some dude named Aelfeat in Normandy in the 10th century. I found some relatives who settled out on the Cape in Dennis and Sandwich in the 1630's All of this is on my grandmother's side, which I thought was all Irish. Her grandma was a Partlow with this great lineage. Sir Robert de Clayton, Norman invasion, generations living in Lancashire before coming to the Mass Bay Colony. Quite a rush to travel the lines back in time. As far as Ireland is concerned, lots of green blood but you have to go to Great Great Grands. Still, really interesting stuff. Where am I from? Vikings + Franks + English + Celts + Germanic Tribes all fighting and fucking and sailing about the great white north. Probably not worth having my DNA tested!

And here I sit in Mass Bay Colony in my Grandmother's chair 1000 years later.

A year ago, I sat in a restaurant and celebrated my husband's birthday. That's the last time, except for a trip to the bar with my cast mates. Unreal.

Pretty good weekend. Yesterday, Violet and I went out to Concord to the Great Meadows Wildlife Refuge. A beautiful place, with a causeway between two ponds in a marsh. Lots of people, mud and ice but it's so great to get out of town. I'm looking forward to going back as spring emerges, with proper boots on a week day.

Entertainment included the first episode of It's a Sin, which is excellent. Disappointing Wanda finale. Dead Poets Society and the first half of Star Trek IV. We had pho on Saturday, Spa food last night. Otto pizza tonight. Champagne! Beer! Cake! Clear Flour! Chocolate!
I need to get out for a walk today but there's so much to do with the Birthday.

Seeing some daffodils emerging. Watching for crocuses. Clouds lifting? It is one thing to vacation in a place. Quite another to live there. Was it a mistake?

Very weird dream which I knew was recurring. Some kind of event where people were turned into zombies/religious zealots. Had to board up windows in the House, prepare to flee or fight, but also knew it was magic and we had to save the day/switch it off. Buffy was involved. Neil and Amanda. We were up on a high ruin "temple mount" watching them march in. Deciding to run or to fix it. Woke up thinking I should have go bags ready for all of us. Bar the door and go out the back, like Fredegar Bolger. Feeling besieged I suppose. Only now realizing that some of it is from the stress of others. I'm managing their anxiety which has become part of the trauma. Trying to keep away from drama that doesn't affect me. Reclaim some calm space.

Took a long walk on the beach from Linnell Landing to the beginning of the Namskaket Marsh. Then I found a trail and walked back along the marsh to Crosby and then back on the beach to the car. I listened to Levar Burton read the Shirley Jackson story “The Story We Used To Tell”. It was low tide and there were plovers on the sand isles along with the gulls. Cloudy but warm today. Rain is coming.

Last night I started watching Tales from Earthsea which is a Ghibli movie loosely based on the LeGuinn stories. It was entertaining and mysterious. I would like to read those stories again when I get home. By which I mean Brookline.

It has occurred to me that I require a 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath house with dining room, mud room, attached garage, attic, basement, porches and patio. Is that too much to ask? Has this sanctuary cursed me?

It has been one year since we were in NYC to see Beetlejuice. Precious time.