rivervox

Cold and gray this morning so I stayed in to do yoga and will walk later when the sun comes out. Last night DH made a nice assortment of treats for dinner and we watched LA Story. Champagne was enjoyed, but I don't feel too bad today. Looking forward to vacation week when I get a slight break from my human alarm clock job.

I managed to deliver on two big pieces of work yesterday and start another. Just sort of snuck up on me. For so long I felt like I was pushing boulders uphill with my nose, but I did make progress and they are rolling down the other side.

Home from our travels. We won't pull out the suitcases again until next month when we make a run to Philly. We had a good time in NH, aside from the late nights of the DJ. We had a gorgeous tower room, perfect weather and some good food. They made it easy for us to dine outdoors. We hiked, swam, and rode horses. I was so happy to ride again. We also discovered North Woodstock. A little ski town with two good restaurants and ice cream. Honey came back for one night. It was great to see her! It will be a few weeks before she comes back. The plague crisis at camp seems better, and Violet has recovered from her sore throat. Deep breath.

Very busy at work as we interview people for the manager job and have a big training. Still recovering from the crisis of last Friday, which I need to dig into right now. It's going to be hot this week, but I feel like we're in full summer mode. I did yoga this morning and I want to mix in a bike ride. For now, we are back in the routine which feels right.

We took Honey to camp yesterday morning. Let the worrying commence. Rondeau's was closed but we got banh mi on the way home. I tried to work in the afternoon but I was distracted and upset. Things are moving fast. Violet starts work tomorrow. Every day takes them away from me. What will be left? Trying to plan for the weekend. Beach on Sat, hike/kayak Sun? And then it's the 4th. Planning for that is hard. Where to go? Where to stay? How much money?

Knuckling down on work today. Honestly. Foolish to think the boat was stable when there were no waves.

This is it. I'm taking the sys admin test again. I was doing well on the study tests I was working with, but I failed an official practice test yesterday and it shot my confidence to tatters. I think I got good at memorizing the test questions, not actually learning the information. I'm very close to passing though. I think just one or two answers away. Not sure what I can to prepare today, but I slept 8+ hours, walked the Leverett loop and I'm home alone. I need to find clarity and be grounded so that my attitude is positive. Fear is the mind-killer. I just did a calculator which showed that I got a 63 out of 65, which is what I just got on the practice test. Does this mean I have learning NOTHING in the hours of studying I have done? I feel like I know a lot more,especially about cases.

I'm reaching but I need to be ready to jump.

We released the site yesterday. We had a ridiculous problem with test URLs that I will be angry about when I have time. It's not quite over until all the bugs are caught and other systems connected. I will breathe easier in a few days, but we're over the hump.

Worked last night. Violet had rehearsal and homework. Busy. Tired. The sun is out and it's warming up a bit. The ice has made it rough to walk. Thoughts of spring. Of COVID dying down a bit. Possibilities opening up.

A quick post today, I think. I walked this morning to the Muddy. Listening to How to Be an Antiracist. It's a good way for me to get through non-fiction, though I miss Levar!

Thinking about how to structure my mornings. How to get back to yoga? Violet is the wildcard. If she walks, I have more time. If I drive, I can walk other places. I should have 2-3 modalities. Once she starts Z block, she/we will be up super early and that will be a good time for yoga. It will also be easier when Honey is at college. More space and flexibility. Though with DH here it's hard.

I realized that not only were we on the Cape for 20% of last year, we weren't living in our home for another significant amount of time. Hotels and houses for six weeks in the summer, two weeks in the fall. Then unpacking and Honey coming back. No wonder we feel unsettled. No wonder structures unraveled. We need to learn again how to be in our home.

Structure mornings and also structure work time. I have so few meetings that I need to take firm control of my day. I'd like to lay out a schedule that includes time for web and SF, prof. dev, firm focus and sensing.

And the plague rages on.

Another beautiful day in October. I walked at the Reservoir. Started watching Centaurworld and Witcher last night. Time to plan a pandemic birthday party. Finally got the website into testing.

Back on track with yoga and then a walk around Jamaica Pond. Yesterday I lost too much time in the morning because it was Thursday and I slept late, then got backed up with the fam. Ended up sitting down to work in my nightgown. Then meetings. I did get around the block once, then took a long walk after dinner. I ended up walking enough, but the rhythm of the day was thrown off. I need to figure out Thursdays. I ended up with wine and chocolate cake which I enjoyed, but still. Watched Unforgotten.

Today is the kickoff of the new website. I'm excited to leave the old one behind. The firm is transforming, shifting and streamlining. So many people have left to start re-imagined lives. We're not going anywhere for three more years at least. Is it time to step up to full-time and try to get a promotion? The extra money could buy me a home. What does it mean to be this relatively rich and feel unsettled. Temporary. Waiting for 20 years. As a child, you think you can live in any house, not understanding that the die is already cast. Bah!

I enjoyed reading the Once and Future Witches. Full of slightly alt. history and feminism. Now I'm reading Jo Walton's final Thessaly book. Florence before I die. Shall I start a list? Again, thoughts spiraling down. Maybe it's the teen angst music spawning middle-aged melancholy.

Things are moving quickly now. I need to step thoughtfully forward to a better life.