rivervox

Just some facts. I walked the Reservoir this morning. A PERFECT day, weatherwise. Honey is packing for camp. We'll drive out tomorrow AM. I'm sorry to have her go, though I know it's hard being all cramped in here. She won't be back really until October break. Violet has finals and new job training this week. Turn, turn, turn.

We were in Provincetown for the weekend. We drove out Saturday afternoon. We arrived just a short time before DH did. We had pizza in the room, then went downtown for ice cream and to walk around. Busy night with the film fest and a gay black men's event plus the usual madness. We saw John Cameron Mitchell just as we pulled into town. That was exciting! It rained Saturday and was cold. That was a bummer. I rode over to Pop & Dutch to get DH a breakfast sandwich for father's day. When the rain stopped we went in for dumplings. I had an amazing sandwich from Canteen. Cauliflower fritter. The girls shopped, we got coffee and then all meandered a bit and went to the book store. In the afternoon we biked out to Head of the Meadow. It was windy and cold but it was good to be outside. We found a newly made path from Head of the Meadow to Coast Guard road, which goes over to Highland Light. Very exciting to connect those things. We went to Bubala's for dinner and sat under the heat lamps. We really didn't have the right clothes for the weather and ended up back in the room. I fell asleep early. Monday was bright and sunny. I walked to the beach by the Surfside alone, which was lovely. We packed up and went to Liz's Cafe for brunch. It has a very nice outdoor space. My tofu scramble was not what I expected but the English muffin was amazing, with lots of fresh fruit. Beanstock coffee. The only downside was that we had to wait a long time to get a table. Another walk into town and out to the end of the wharf. Then back to the car and home. We went to Beatnic and then home to watch Ms. Marvel. I helped Violet with stuff for work and then watched Grantchester which was very moving and just excellent.

And here we are on Tuesday which feels like a Monday. And Solstice. And packing plus more driving.

I'm not there yet, but I can see where the stress of travel is not worth the trip. Didn't feel much joy over the weekend, but there were moments. And I wasn't here which is a blessing. And the planet relentlessly turns.

Back at Kendrick to walk this morning. Yesterday it rained all day and I drove out to Wellesley for some vegan groceries. It's exciting to have Honey coming back. Food and parties and laundry and packing and goodbye.

We're dropping into the chute now. The next week is going to be intense. Endings, movings, beginnings, and lots of moving parts. And where will we land in the end? I've got my eyes on Provincetown, but we need a soft place to land afterwards.

Looking at more delays on the condo. Probably another month on something that could have been resolved in three weeks.

Hey, I'm going on vacation! I don't have to try to work for the next 10 days. Need to shake off the gray.

I broke my tooth again. I cycled through a few feelings: denial (it's fine), avoidance (there's no way I can get an appt. this late on a Friday) and finally resolve. I called the dentist and got an appointment tomorrow. What interests me is how quickly I went through this. I'm learning and changing old patterns. When I was younger, I assumed the answer was always no. Bothering other people was my top concern. My own welfare was at the bottom of the pile. I didn't dare to ask, reject or say no. I have had to learn these things. Another thing I'm working on is making choices that make me happy. Not buying the cheapest thing I can grab, but taking time to find what I want to wear. Sometimes I think, "I'm 5? years old, I get to have the xxx that I want!". I literally have to remind myself. I have little mantras that I practice like "I am the client" here. No chance of me becoming a raging Karen asshole. I've worked on being more assertive and it actually works. This makes me hopeful because it shows that you can change your reactions to things. It may not be your first response or even your second, but by being self-aware you can coach yourself to a better outcome.

In other news, we had a busy week with MCAS and MD appts. The List is getting smaller and I'm calming down a bit. Thankfully, the heat broke. It was so oppressive. I'm staring to look forward to our week in Ptown. I have checklists and schedules and they will fix my tooth and I will drink champagne!

Just reflecting on all the death, darkness and change in the last half of 2018. So heavy. It brought me to my knees. We lost Zephyr. He literally died in my hands while Honey was away. Anthony Bourdain. I was surprised by the depth of my grief. The stress of the bat mitzvah and subsequent frustrations were exhausting. We moved offices, which for some reason threw me for a loop. No resilience. No bounce. I worked at home for weeks, growing more depressed as it coincided with my annual grief fest during the period when my mother was dying. Then to lose Uncle Rod and have Aunt Imy so ill. It just all ground to a halt. In other news, my hip injury has been slowing me down. The pain and stress wearing away at me day after day.

A new year. A new office. New plays to see and places to go.