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Jun. 23rd, 2022 08:57 am
rivervox: (Default)
We took Honey to camp yesterday morning. Let the worrying commence. Rondeau's was closed but we got banh mi on the way home. I tried to work in the afternoon but I was distracted and upset. Things are moving fast. Violet starts work tomorrow. Every day takes them away from me. What will be left? Trying to plan for the weekend. Beach on Sat, hike/kayak Sun? And then it's the 4th. Planning for that is hard. Where to go? Where to stay? How much money?

Knuckling down on work today. Honestly. Foolish to think the boat was stable when there were no waves.
rivervox: (Default)
It's been a minute since I posted and I don't have time to catch up. Let this be a sitrep.

We took Honey to camp yesterday. She's very happy to be there. Out of the house, back on track. It was a lovely drive out into the woods and hills. It's quiet without her here. When Violet goes to camp, it will be even more empty. It will take us time to decompress and adjust.

It's a busy day with several meetings. I slept late and missed my long walk and yoga. I will go up to the Farmer's Market for the first time this afternoon. Next week I have a five day weekend. I should plan to spend it well. Kayak, anyone? Looking forward to our trip to Vermont. How I love the open road.

I made a playlist for the kids of music that was important to me throughout my life. It was a really challenging exercise but very worthwhile. I tried to strip away what I think is cool now and give a real representation. Some themes emerged, such as that my country upbringing influences everything. I like strong vocals, interesting lyrics and acoustic guitars. So many of the songs are about travel and leaving. Another goal was to share the artists that I really care about. Not just what my boyfriends liked, but what stuck and resonated with me. I'm still tinkering. How do you pick ONE Bob Dylan song? Maybe by having P,P & M sing it? Indigo Girls? Jimi? The list is also very slow and very white. The most recent song is from 2018, Brandi Carlile, and I might cut it. For some reason, I see this as a legacy.
rivervox: (Default)
My daughter has come home from camp. I didn't appreciate how unsettling it was until she came back. I missed  her of course but didn't realize it was disturbing us on a subconscious level. Our family was like a three-legged dog, running along but with a bit of a hitch in its step. Now it feels like we're on track again. We have more traffic in the bathroom, a little bit of bickering, and extra laundry but that's just right.

And they will go away in the summers and then to college and then...

Change is the only constant.

Separation

Jun. 29th, 2012 09:49 am
rivervox: (Default)

My daughter has gone to sleep away camp for the month. It's been four days and I'm feeling anxious about her. I've seen photos but we haven't had a letter. When it comes, I suspect it will be "Hello Muddah Hello Faddah" in nature.  What surprises me is that I seem to have some kind of process running in the background that turns on at meal times and bed time. Is she eating? Is she sleeping? Is she happy? The thing about having a child is that they really feel like a part of you. First they literally are, then as they nurse and sleep on you, they are like an extra limb. They slowly move away and it hurts a little every time, like stretching a muscle. In this case, my muscle is stretched so much it feels like it's ripping. I feel like I'm not doing my job. I have sent her to a place where I believe she will be safe, with people who care for children. She is having experiences I can't give her and gaining a measure of independence. All good things, right? I miss my baby.

To my young friends, the reason your mother bothers you about your appearance is that you are extension of her. That hair feels like her hair and she can't stand it in her face so how can you?

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