rivervox

I walked at Leverett this morning listening to Sandman. I park in the middle now, and do a sort of figure 8 so that I'm never too far from the car. Violet has all day rehearsal and a party tonight. Then a party tomorrow in the afternoon. And lots of homework. But she's in good spirits. I'm looking at a long day and night of waiting. Need to keep busy. We've got show week ahead, so that will be chaotic. And Hallowe'en! But just one breath at a time. Maintaining the teenage dream.

Yesterday, I did painting with a group from work. Very challenging and stressful. I will either finish it and then throw it out or just throw it out. I tried! I think it was just hard trying to keep up and not understanding what I was doing with tools or materials. I think I could do some art at my own speed, but that was not relaxing. Still, I'm glad I tried it.

Quite a week, actually, with my trip to the office, birthday and flu shot. Time surges on.


“I like the stars. It's the illusion of permanence, I think. I mean, they're always flaring up and caving in and going out. But from here, I can pretend...I can pretend that things last. I can pretend that lives last longer than moments. Gods come, and gods go. Mortals flicker and flash and fade. Worlds don't last; and stars and galaxies are transient, fleeting things that twinkle like fireflies and vanish into cold and dust. But I can pretend...” Destruction, Brief Lives, Sandman

Woke up to the radio yesterday. "Shooting...Denver...movie theater...midnight". Horrible, I thought and shut off the radio and drifted to sleep again. And then a word floated up into my mind: Batman. WHAM! Wide awake with a sick feeling in my gut. This is personal. This is "us". I ran out to the kitchen to put on the radio and get on twitter and find out what the hell was going on.

Now I know the basic, sickening facts. I will wait until actual journalists and investigators have done their jobs and we have more information and less bloviating. I am sad, not only for those who are murdered and their loved ones, but those who will now carry the fear, like a virus. To violate a theater is to me like desecrating a church. To use a film as a backdrop, justification, inspiration(?) for a crime is...well, I guess it is a crime. Art is human expression in an attempt to connect and communicate. A film is created by hundreds of people over several years. A fandom is a community of thousands, millions. He has defiled all of that. Sigh. I have brought my self around to the definition of a sociopath. Fini.

"Don't you understand yet, son? Don't you get it? You do the things you do because you're a homicidal maniac."
~Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose, The X Files