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Time is not on our side
Mar. 31st, 2021 09:52 amSlept well, good walk this morning. Halfway through Passover. Last night we watched John Adams and I watched His Dark Materials. I'm going to just watch it all instead of being frustrated that no one else wants to see it. I will gladly watch it again.
Trying to jump on the carousel again. I think I got one hand on a pole yesterday. Feels like I'm pushing through sludge. Considering how painful it has been to return from the Cape, would I do that again. Is it really a good idea to give someone a brief time of happiness, knowing that they will be thrown back in the muck? I guess we do that every day. It's like the ice cream cone example I read about. You are so excited to get the cone, then you start eating it, destroying it in the process and then it's over. These things happen constantly but you have the belief that you will have ice cream again some day. Or it's just terrible. When you leave Paris, you are sure you will return because living with the idea that you will not is intolerable. Is it better to live hoping that you will one day go to Venice, or to have gone to Venice and have some reasonable expectation that you will go back or to go to Venice and know you will never return. And then there is the question of the situation. I will probably never live with my kids on the Cape again for the winter. But that doesn't mean that I won't go back. Places I cannot live without re-visiting: New Orleans, Provincetown, the Caribbean (Virgin Islands or Puerto Rico, Paris. Yosemite? Hawaii is slipping away as it seems so impossible. Time and money and health must be spent. I remember when this started, when I thought I would get sick and possibly die, I was focused on a bucket list. That has subsided with the terror but I do think I could make priorities. No more Disney trips. Would I choose New Orleans over a new home? Growing up seems to consist of acknowledging limitations but some of those limitations are choices you make every day.
Nuff said
Trying to jump on the carousel again. I think I got one hand on a pole yesterday. Feels like I'm pushing through sludge. Considering how painful it has been to return from the Cape, would I do that again. Is it really a good idea to give someone a brief time of happiness, knowing that they will be thrown back in the muck? I guess we do that every day. It's like the ice cream cone example I read about. You are so excited to get the cone, then you start eating it, destroying it in the process and then it's over. These things happen constantly but you have the belief that you will have ice cream again some day. Or it's just terrible. When you leave Paris, you are sure you will return because living with the idea that you will not is intolerable. Is it better to live hoping that you will one day go to Venice, or to have gone to Venice and have some reasonable expectation that you will go back or to go to Venice and know you will never return. And then there is the question of the situation. I will probably never live with my kids on the Cape again for the winter. But that doesn't mean that I won't go back. Places I cannot live without re-visiting: New Orleans, Provincetown, the Caribbean (Virgin Islands or Puerto Rico, Paris. Yosemite? Hawaii is slipping away as it seems so impossible. Time and money and health must be spent. I remember when this started, when I thought I would get sick and possibly die, I was focused on a bucket list. That has subsided with the terror but I do think I could make priorities. No more Disney trips. Would I choose New Orleans over a new home? Growing up seems to consist of acknowledging limitations but some of those limitations are choices you make every day.
Nuff said
