Tough week medically. Both kids got sick and we're in a medication transition. Very tough and unstable.

It snowed yesterday and I walked along the Muddy. Today I went to the gym. Still finding it hard to do yoga.

We're slowly getting ride of things through Buy Nothing Brookline. It turns out the monitor I got won't work but I moved my Mom's TV into our room. This will make for less stress around evening entertainment, I hope.

Looking for a rug too. And we need a new oven. I want to buy these things soon before the country falls apart. What will add value to our lives? 

This is the final few days of college apps. It will be good to have it behind us. Like Satan.

It's another COVID high season, so we're not eating indoors and I'm being more cautious about masking. Not sure it will ever end but we know what to do.

The horrible fires in LA are very upsetting. The clouds get lower and lower. Visibility diminishes.

My morning mantra was prepare for worse and hope for the best.


 

So much has happened since I last wrote! Violet attended prom and graduated. Honey came over for the weekend. We went to Vermont (loverly) and Ptown. Spent the night at BCH. We've been watching new Who. Started working with a Gap year consultant. Starting to plan a vacation to England in August. Honey comes home next week for a few days before going to camp. Need to make 4th of July plans. Find job for Violet. It's been horribly hot with rain. Violet saw Lana Del Rey at Fenway Park and had a two hour rain delay.

The takeaway is that all of these events went well. We've had some struggles but we made it through. We abide.

Today I walked around Leverett and Spot Pond while Violet was at rehearsal. Cloudy day in the 50's. We had some sun yesterday. I walked around the Brookline Reservoir twice. The cherry trees are in full bloom. I didn't miss it this year! In the afternoon, we went dress shopping to Frugal Fannie's and David's. Found a dress but it seems to have a complicated and revealing bodice that we need to figure out. I'd like to keep looking. Very stressed about that, as I know we need to get it tailored and find shoes and jewelry. It seems silly but things are hard for us. I worked at all four Progressions dance shows. No one else showed up. All I have left is the music festival. I suppose I should have done more to build up a team, but there's no communication mechanism. I'm glad to be on my way out and lay down this obligation. But I will miss it. The school, the energy, the performances.

We got the bathroom faucet fixed so that was a victory. Passover is packed away. Honey can come home in June! Inch by inch we move. to something better? 

I caught the cold from Violet and got sick two days after my last post. I spent the weekend in bed and struggled through the week, lying down to read and watch the Great British Bake Off and sleeping as much as possible. Almost 10 days later, I'm still coughing a bit and feeling tired. This month was supposed to be a time for us to get our act together but it has been plagued with illness. Now it's Purim and we're celebrating DH's birthday and I feel more behind than ever. When I was sick, I felt no anxiety at all. As I got better, the tigers returned. Interesting that everything slows down, brain and body. I should say that I tested negative for COVID and had no fever or body aches so I think it was just a head cold. First in years. Do not recommend. I imagine it's harder when one is older.

This week, I'm going into the office! I need to find something to wear and remember how to get on the T. I hope I'm fully recovered by then. I walked to Coolidge Corner yesterday and it wiped me out.

Last night was my final BHS musical box office mission. It was exhausting to be around and talk to so many people. I'm proud that I did it and that I planned for the time that it actually requires. It's a very long hour, kind of like working in restaurant rush. Processing 500 people through the gate is intense. It went well, it's over. Turn the page.

We are going to NYC in two weeks. Again, I'm doing it right this time. We're taking Tuesday as well so we can relax a bit. I booked us at the Casablanca in a suite at a decent rate. I think it will be worth it. Good seats for the show too. This is the wisdom of age I suppose. And the privilege of having a bit of money to spend, since we don't travel, shop or do very much. Which reminds me that I'm going to order new socks. I HATE these and they are well-made so last a long time. Into the Helpsy bag they go. Life is too short. Hell, the days are too short.

Things are ramping up for Violet's play which happens in one month. DH has booked his flight to Israel in April. The sun is out after a week of gray. On to the next mountain! 

Watching Criminal Record with Peter Capaldi and True Detective with Jodie Foster plus Annika and The Witcher. Late night monsters and crimes.

We took a quick trip to Bard for a college tour. Honey stayed home to do volunteer work. DH was feeling sick, but he did the drive because of my achy leg. It was really cool being back on campus and hearing of the new things they have going on like the science L&T in January and the advisors for incoming first years. We stayed in a hotel in Lake Katrine up next to the old mall. It's mostly empty now, replaced by other big boxes. There was a nice view of the Catskills, but our room didn't face that way. We had two separate bedrooms with bathrooms which was a luxury for Violet and it was FREE because I used my hotel points. We came back on Saturday, stopping only to get food. Violet had a cast party. It was disappointing to leave without seeing other parts of campus. I thought that I need to go again, alone. I regret not getting up early and going back over while the others were still sleeping. Alas.

We have booked a place in Eastham and we're having the family over for dinner. I hope there are enough plates and forks! They are staying over by Cook's Brook in a little cottage. I hope we have good weather. I must bring my bike so I can escape to the beach. I've got lists and I've started shopping for food. The issue will be fitting it all in the car and bringing backing pans and vegan stuff. It's all about the planning and the lists. Eventually you get to the joy...? Violet asked me my favorite holiday and I tried to think of one where I didn't have to prepare and plan, cook and clean. Hard to think of one. Is that just part of making thing special? Extra work? It's hard when all the work falls to me. Getting grumpy so I'll stop.

Sun is shining. Leaves are lovely. I need to get out for a walk in this mellow fall weather. Busy week as we have auditions, trip to DC for the march, dentist. Xistenz.

So much water under the bridge. There was Yom Kippor, which we attended a bit. Then some school, then an overnight visit to 300 Longwood. We seem to have a fallen into the sad pattern that afflicted us last spring.

The weather is very warm but heavy. Unable to go to any sukkah meals. We do plan do go to the Cape Saturday. Doesn't seem real. Not much sleep. Little hope.

We had a virus and a tropical storm visit over the weekend so there wasn't much of a holiday. Violet was sick with what seems to be a cold. At least tests were negative. COVID rates are surging. I did manage to get out, walking Jamaica Pond and Kendrick which was lovely. It was hard not being in touch with Honey for all that time.

The sun is out today and the sick ones are improving. Let's hope that I don't get hit with it later in the week since I have the big drive. Play rehearsals start this week, so we won't be able to leave until rush hour. Oh the joy. Oh! The Joy of going back out to the Cape. When the sunsets here while we have dinner, I look out and try to imagine that I'm out there. Out there, the sunset is blazing over Race Point. On one end of Head of the Meadow the sun sets while on the other the moon rises. It's still the same world, I'm just in the wrong place.

Honey comes home today and leaves in 48 hours. Things are mostly ready for the birthday. Too much food of course. But all the food and all the time won't help with the sadness. We need to aim for positive experiences. Light and joy.

Things are getting hard but I look at last week and I'm impressed with the accomplishments. The social contact and focus. But the tigers come at night. They've been there all along and we haven't done anything to lure them away. We've done all that we can to survived day by day within MY limited capacity. I feel like Gunny up against the Laconian ship in just her suit. A dot of light against the black. Serenity, Courage, Wisdom.

I went out to Kendrick Pond this morning. It was lovely. The water was very high due to recent rain and it was overflowing the path in some places. The depressions on the west side of the path were full of water and it will be mosquito heaven soon. I had thought about going kayaking but didn't get up early enough. Lake Cochichuate is closed due to algae bloom. I hope that I get to kayak on the Cape. I got out a chair and sat by the pond for awhile. All I want is to be outside.

The Cape. It doesn't seem real to me. I catch it out of the corner of my eye but it's not concrete. It doesn't occur to me that not working will be restful because what we're dealing with in our family is much harder than working. Can I have a break from that, please? 

We've taken a step back, having been hit by lightning again. Gambling on a chance at a better life. Floating on trust and hope and about to slam into a concrete wall in Sept. I have only fear for the future. Nothing to look forward too. Beyond the vacation is darkness.

What else? We got an extra visit from Honey. We won't see her until she leaves camp. It's better that she's out of it. She has a future.

We visited Wheaton College, where the dorms look like hotels and the sports facilities are pristine. No town to speak of but lots of pick up trucks. Still, it's good to look, keep a hand in the game.

I've also driven more now and it's made me realize how small my bubble was growing. How nervous I'd become about driving. I went to Somerville first, which was somehow a big deal. Then Norton, then Palmer and back. When did I stop driving? When did I become so vigilant that it didn't feel safe on the road? My next drive will be to the Cape. No problem. Last weekend we went to Castle Island for awhile. So nice, again, just to be outside. To see the ocean and look out upon the curve of the world.

Carpe Aestas